Not Going To Mutilate Myself

Not feeling a 100% last night I had horrible stomach ache, then progressively in the middle of the night my chest has become tight, with a dry cough. My lips are chapped now, nose dry.

I certainly do not have time for this at all….which brings me to my next subject….surgery.

I have thought about it, I almost was persuaded to get it done, the more I thought about it the more obvious it has become I do not have the option for down time and I am putting myself in the hands of God as I should.

I actually started thinking maybe this is God’s way of getting me alone with Him once again without distraction and in His Word.

But….I do not think His desire is for this temple to be mutilated.

If I am meant to be here for longer than what they are saying well then I will be here longer by God’s grace and mercy.

I run this entire household and I try to keep it like a well oiled machine so to speak, I am always looking ahead contemplating possible problems and try and correct them before they happen. (For instance we have a toilet paper holder if there is only one roll left I fill it up before it runs out.) Or if there is a piece of paper in the floor pick it up and throw it away. The environment we live in, I do my very best to keep it clean, fresh, and inviting, just in case someone may drop by unannounced, and it is not easy to do with 4 dogs and 2 cats but by the mercy and grace of God it has been doable.

I am simply not okay with being bed ridden in the basement and honestly only God knows the mess that will happen and the pieces I would have to put back together after recovery.

My soul and my state of mind is honestly more important to me than whatever is happening within this body. God created this body and God can heal this body, but it is up to me to protect my heart.

So I am just not going to do it, my eating habits, though, pretty good but must be stricter, exercise must be incorporated, and breathing techniques need to be learned. I am hoping the new Y in Jackson will be opened soon.

I thank you all for your prayers, kind words, and advice. I am tired as I openly admitted, but the added stress of surgery and chemotherapy is not good and having it loom over me like a predator waiting in the shadows has kept me uptight and unproductive in my walk with Jesus Christ.

The things the Heavenly Father has me doing such as reading the Bible from the beginning to the end for other people is needed not just for them but for me first and foremost. Reading historical old books written by brothers in Christ is important as well for us to not be deceived. So, as I read them outloud the Holy Spirit is right there with me helping me to discern as I am reading. And giving away Bibles as they are given to me to do so.

I believe I am going to put my nose to the grind stone get these bills paid off and go to Eygpt for a couple of weeks possibly in the spring if I am well enough. If it is the LORDS will that is of course.

I need rest today and somehow I have got to fit it in to be able to go downstairs and just sleep for a while.

God bless,. Pamela McDonald

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