Sometimes We Struggle


Today has been a day of many tears, why? I have no idea really. I woke up around 9 something and just did not want to get up so I didn’t.
Laid there repenting for horrible dreams and the things that I enjoyed or did in my dreams.
Then fell back to sleep and had more vivid horrible dreams. Dreams of lying, manipulation, just not good dreams.
Finally I mustard enough energy to get up, and looked at the table full of lotions, soaps, ingredients to make more and started wondering if I am doing Gods will in doing any if this.
I keep thinking about the scripture
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.
Still yet, more tears. My daughter wrote me just to say she loves me and was thinking of me. That put a smile on my lips and in my heart only to cry even harder though. I felt compelled to tell her to not forget to pray with those children, that there is not a greater gift a mother can give her children daily than to pray with them. She said she needed to, especially after the day she had with them.
I reminded her regardless of the rough days that you do not get a “do over” in life and to always keep that in mind. Everyday regardless of rough spots try and make the most out of it. Keep the LORD Jesus Christ always first and teach those children about prayer. She thanked me and said she would.
I told her I loved her and was proud of her as a woman, a mother, and a wife also as a sister in Christ.
Then I cried more. My heart is heavy, not just for others but for myself as well. I see so much that I fall short in, prayer life is not as strong as it should be, my studying is not as it once was, I am not as close as I should be with the LORD. Looking around I ask myself, what am I doing for the kingdom of God? Am I doing all that I can do by sharing the Gospel? Then it comes to me, the most important thing to God is relationship, worship, love. Works are worthless if you do not have love and a relationship with Him. If you have the love and are actively seeking Him everything will happen as it should. Just my thoughts.
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