Count The Cost, Forsake All

Do I love the LORD as I profess I do?

That is the question I must ask myself.

It is not easy to be transformed into His image, it is not easy to turn away from things that are familiar and people I love!

My children and grandchildren

I will never forget Him asking me a little over 2 years ago, “Will you leave your children for Me if I ask you to?”
I remember feeling as if I had been struck in the stomach and knocked to my very knees. Tears began to well up from my throat then like a dam breaking, shot forth from my eyes. I was in my bedroom alone just me and Him talking.

I cried for a few minutes then said, “Yes LORD I will leave them for You.” And I meant it.

It would be a huge struggle without a doubt in me, and later when putting to that test it was.

My children and I finally after years of being estranged have regained our bond, our love, our joy as a family, and for Him to ask me if I would, stopped me in my tracks. I will not lie I hurt deep within, but the truth and realization came in quickly, my obedience and love for the LORD must be greater than my love for anyone and anything in this world. Even my children and grandchildren.

The love I have for Him must be greater than all, because without Him I am hopeless, and would have probably have died from some disease, car accident, or even by a man’s hands.

He came from Heaven as a humble servant but also as the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE to save me from my sins, He became acquainted with my griefs and sorrows, He showed me how to stand against temptation, He lived a sinless Holy Life dedicated to doing only the Fathers Will.

His main objective was to Redeem me to Himself and reconcile me to the Father. He laid His life down willingly without even a struggle! They beat Him mercilessly, they laughed at Him hysterically, and yet still He kept His mouth shut.

As they nailed His palms (not wrists) palms into the beam He did not curse or even complain, He was hung up high, naked, beaten, disfigured in complete shame for me so I do not have to be ashamed and naked before the Father when I am before Him.

He showed me agape love while being in a pain so great, by Him not recalling the evil the people had done but instead, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do”. He held no hatred, He held no grudge, He had a love that I desire, a love that is ready to forgive and forget.

He hung up between Heaven and earth no angel came to minister to Him as other times, the sky grew to be night with no light shining at noon till 3 in the afternoon. He did this for me!

During those three hours the punishment for all of my sins from my first lie to my adulterous affairs were placed on Him, so for 3 hours the whole, not half, not partial and WITHOUT Mercy, the whole wrath of the HOLY GOD WAS BEING POURED ON HIM, AN ETERNITY’S WORTH OF WRATH IN THREE HOURS!

He paid the wages that I owed.

If I reject this gift He has given, then I would spend eternity trying to satisfy God’s Holy Wrath! And still would fall short, that is how much GOD HATES SIN, AND HOW INTENSE THE WRATH JESUS ENDURED WAS! He became the propitiation for my sins!

Stop and honestly think for a few what He must have endured is unfathomable. There was no Mercy zero, in judgment there is mercy as in the 7-year tribulation, but when that is over and wrath of God begins with the vial/bowls being poured out, mercy’s door closes and the impact of that wrath for those lost and alive will have begun.

Then He would pay that wage I owed for me! You see the wages of sin is death and if I did not believe and accept Him I would have to pay that wage. Death eternal not only physical life is gone but any hope for eternal life with Him is gone.

So how could I not love Him more than any other? I love Him because He first loved me!

He rose again 3 days later sealing the promise that the same Holy Spirit that raised Him will be given me at my new birth and He would never leave me, never forsake me and He would tell me things to come, comfort me, teach me, and lead me into all truth He would give me the supernatural strength needed during persecution and be able to help me stand, He would not speak of Himself, but He would as always point to Jesus. Because Jesus is to be me my center, my life, my love!

When the LORD told me that He was sending me to Istanbul, Turkey many things went through my mind. Many, thoughts and questions. Questions and even fears that had to be resolved before I left the state. I did not know why He was sending me, and alone was a bit extreme I thought at first. But I knew that He held the very future in His hands and I just had to believe all would be good.

I even began to question Him if this was it? When I leave will I never see my children or grandbabies again? He never answered. I thought about that for a few weeks, and I came to the conclusion if that was true then I needed to pray for my children and grandbabies fervently, and as well as let them know that I love them with my very life. But Jesus loves them so much more. When I boarded that plane in December I was at peace not knowing if I would return but knew the One who died for me had me in His hands and all was fine. Before I left, I invited my children over to see them, pray with them and just let them know no matter what I loved them, just in case I would never lay natural eyes on them again.

As you can see and know, I made it back unscathed even a few pounds lighter, but that decision I made, you must understand was difficult but it had to be made.

The rich young ruler could not let go of all he had, he would not sell it and give it to the poor in order to follow Jesus. He loved his money too much. Though he was sad, he walked away.

I have nothing of value, nothing at all. I live on a fixed income under 800.00 a month, pay my bills, and never worry about much of anything when it comes to material things. I am content. As far as material items, I gave or threw most of it all away when I returned to the LORD, no need for it. So the only thing or should I say the only ones I had were my children and grandchildren. No, I can’t sell them lol but was I willing to walk away from them and follow Him, if it was asked of me.

Since then my walk with the LORD has come under attack by not a few but many.

The LORD allows these things to happen in order to strengthen, but also to refine me.

I have been called the devil by someone that I have known for years, even helped and spent a week with her and her family, but because my sister-in-law needed me home for possible heart surgery she was offended and told me not to talk to her or her children again. It was all over needing to use my car and not being able to go back to her.

Another brought up my past and questioned my Christian walk because there are remnants of it still out there. Though if you did not know my stage name you would not find them.

I have been called a hypocrite, holier than thou, or claim to be perfect. Because what the LORD teaches me I share and some things are very hard truths.

I have been told to sit down, shut up, by not just a few lately.

By 8 member family in Australia, one from that family said God was going to throw me in a bed of sickness for unfriending him. And he would not soon forgive me.

Another was a man teaching that Jesus was not God nor eternal and told me I was a heretic and I needed to sit down and be silent because I am a woman.

Another just yesterday told me that I was unstable and did not know the Word of God and that I would not accept her correction, which I never even knew I was being corrected by her. And that I needed to shut up, not teach in (In her holy opinion), and listen to a man that preaches that Jesus Christ is the same Metatron from the Talmud and Zohar!

And since having my prayer answered about marriage, divorce, remarriage, and adultery, the last few weeks, my actual foundation has been questioned!

I have been praying since 2017-2020 about my marriages and divorces, not anyone else’s, but MINE. I do not know any one’s life and quite frankly do not care too!

Let God be true and every man a liar is what I say, He showed me IN HIS WORD the TRUTH! Not a “feeling”, nor did my heart tell me, nor a voice from Heaven, but the INERRANT WORD OF GOD!

I am in God’s eyes still married to my first husband! That was a marriage covenant that God created and vows spoken were exchanged! God does not, and I WILL REPEAT does not throw covenants out the window after we repent of our sins. He held Joshua to the covenant he made with the ENEMY!!!! Even after 340 years, that covenant was still binding! When king Saul killed some of the Gibeionites God stopped the rain, and had David go to the Gibeionites and ask them what they want done. Do you know their answer? To hang 7 of his sons!!! And that was for a covenant that Joshua made foolishly with an enemy. And you think that God is going to throw your marriage covenant away without a second thought? You need to get to know God a bit more then.

The marriage covenant that I entered and God joined together in 1987 is still standing in His eyes! I will never remarry that person again, but God says I am to NEVER REMARRY AGAIN. I had married 4 times after that one and divorced all four times, but in God’s eyes those were adultery. So all in all married and divorced 5 times.

October 30, 1984 My dad walking a 17 year old me down the aisle.

I am never to marry again, and being made aware of that truth, my life is now completely dedicated to the kingdom of God! I am not bound by marriage, nor by anything here on earth. I am forgiven absolutely for all of my sins, but the family I was born into is not forgotten, the children I birthed is not forgotten, and marriage covenant I entered at 17 is not forgotten.

Many will say, yeah but I was a sinner when I married and now I am forgiven God does not remember that, He doesn’t remember my sins. Since when is getting married a sin that needs to be forgiven?

Hmm.. was the people in Noah’s day saved? NO! Yet, Jesus said, (He being GOD) that they were MARRYING AND GIVEN IN MARRIAGE, why would God say that if He did not recognize their marriages?

Was Pontifar saved? Yet the Word of God which is HOLY SPIRIT INSPIRED RECOGNIZED HE WAS MARRIED!

What about the man that took Abraham’s wife Sarah, he wanted her for his own, but God warned him not to touch her! When he gave Sarah back untouched, God opened the wombs of his wives since God closed them while this man had Sarah in his house. God recognized his marriage did He not?

What about Herod the Techtrach and Herodias getting married and John the Baptist condemned them for that sin? They were not serving God?! He was beheaded because of the Truth he spoke!

Did the Holy Spirit recognize Pilate as having a wife? YES! Yet, Pilate was not a believer.

The list is pretty long concerning marriages, that we today say God does not recognize a sinners marriage covenant. Yet He did in the Word of God. And He does ours as well.

God Himself created the marriage covenant, male and female and when they are married GOD joins them together as ONE FLESH. God does.

Jesus said in Matthew 5 and 19 as well as in Mark and Luke that WHOSOEVER meaning sinner or saint not just Jews, not just Christian but WHOSOEVER!


Why write all of this? Because first the LORD wanted me to remember, remember what Jesus did for me! Remember why I love Him so much, in remembrance there is strength, there is faith, and there is hope!

Two, if I do not love Him more than, husband, children, mother, father, siblings, friends or even myself then I may as well sit down and be silent or get up and eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow I die. I would be worthless and the least in the kingdom.

Then to show me that the answer to my prayer, is not only for me, but must be taught, opened up to others in the same situation.

Once the truth is shown through the Word then that is their choice to obey, or walk away, or pretend it doesn’t mean them.

Then He showed me no matter what others say about me, accuse me of, or form an opinion about me, who will I obey and who am I to please, God or man/woman?

My response to these things is what He is interested in, not what they said to me but how I dealt with it and what kind of heart it was received with.

Lastly, to remind me that soon I will have very few who will call me friend or sister because the Word He has taught me is too hard for most to accept.

So the question comes back to me, do I love the LORD with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength?

Yes, I do, I still admit tears will flow, the pain will overcome me inside but I love Him because He first loved me.

I will not lie to you and say I will not struggle, because I will. I will fall even I am sure, but must get back up.

I cannot answer for another, but I do know when I bow before Him with hands out no ones blood will be upon them.

I love each of you dearly, but my love for Him is a thousand times greater. He is our Bridegroom, we are His Betrothed soon we will be married and seated at the wedding feast with our Love.

Count the cost because salvation is free but it will cost you everything!

Pamela JoyousNJesus McDonald

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